Professional to mum to mum/professional: what a ride!

I started a new job on the 18th of August working for SA Water as their Communication and Content Officer.

Walking into work on my first day, I thought "look at me with my hair done, makeup on and clothes that aren't leggings and an oversized jumper, I'm back!"

I felt renewed personally, and by the end of my first week, I felt renewed professionally too.

Some of my new work mates at the Murray Bridge Pump Station (Leigh, Josh, Clare and me)

To say that my first year as a new parent was tough is probably the biggest understatement of my life so far. Adjusting to becoming a mum, was the hardest thing I've ever done and then throw in the fact that Australia was basically on fire in summer of 2019/20 and COVID-19 hit us around March 2020, which came with a whole new set of parental anxiety, the first year of my son's life was a struggle for me.

He's a little champ, kids really are resilient. My husband and I have raised a happy, sociable little kid who laughs all the time, which is ridiculous seeing as he was home with a mum who basically didn't stop crying for a good 6 months, and I didn't really feel confident with him until about the 9/10 month mark.

The biggest struggle for me was that I had finished my contract working with the South Australian Tourism Commission before I went on maternity leave, and seeing as I was covering for someone else who went on mat leave I knew I wouldn't be returning. Adapting to a crying baby who needed my attention 24/7 after working in a job I truly loved and with people I adored was a big collision of identity for me.

Who was I now? Was a mum all I was going to be? And don't get me wrong being a mum is awesome, tough, but awesome, and I had been this working professional for so long who enjoyed that as part of my identity, the thought of not working again frightened me. Plus, the world was getting crazy and the prospect of finding a job, when so many were losing there's, was absolutely scary. I couldn't reconcile that all my life would be was centred around this kid.

I am aware that when you have kids, they become your sole focus, they need you to show them love and attention, as well as all the other practicalities of life, and that doesn't stop even when they're adults. But, and this is a big but, you can't lose yourself in them.

Luckily, I'm surrounded by an incredibly loving and supportive husband who encouraged me to seek help from not only those around me, but professionals as well. I have the best friends in the world, who all went through this way before me, when I was either single or without a kid of my own and had no concept of what they were going through, to hold my hand and encourage me through it. I also have my mum Nora, mother-in-law Kay and my Aunty Sharron who we definitely couldn't have gotten through the first year without (and now too) - I have a whole new level of respect for single parents without families to support them.

Sometimes, I still have days where I cry, because "it's just all too fucking hard" and life just gets more complicated when you go back to work.

If you were the majority care giver in the child first year of life, mum or dad, it's hard for the other person in the partnership to understand the mental load that you take on, it's huge.

You're the one that does all the planning, the appointments, works out how to get them from A to B, and once you go back to work it gets harder.

You're working out how to give them brekkie, pack their bag and take them to wherever they have to go for the day like childcare AND get ready yourself, so you don't look like a hot mess in public - even if that's a basic shower and brushing of your teeth. You're organising pick up schedules and thinking about what to cook them for dinner or making sure the house is stocked with food so they can eat. You worry about them so much, you often forget about yourself.

I honestly don't feel like I can relax at home these days either, there's often so much to do, coming to work feels more relaxing, even when the work days are stressful.

I am learning to be more resilient. I'm taking back time for myself to do Yoga, girls weekends away with my friends and going back to work was the best thing I ever did for myself.

If you have a kid you know without a shadow of a doubt, parenting is tough but rewarding, and if you don't have kids you can sympathise, but you won't truly get it, until you're experiencing it yourself, and that's ok.

Just know that when/if you do experience it, because it's fine if you don't ever want to have kids either, crying is fine, saying you can't cope is fine, but you can and you will.

Mums and dads, you're stronger than you think.

A gallery of images of some of the amazing people who supported me through my first year as a parent, and continue to hold me up on a daily basis. Much love for these people.